I don’t have any. Anyone who’s been masquerading around as my sibling must be mentally bankrupt! There are so many things wrong with having a sibling including their seemingly annoying and endless tactics to drive you completely insane. The dull siblings are the best kind for they don’t come up with well thought plans but the smart ones are the true evil mastermind. They know all your buttons and push them by torturing you unnecessarily.
When I was younger I hated being the youngest with two brothers and one sister. They used to make me clear the table, light the jiko and do other stuffs that I hated just because I was the youngest. And even after Junior he wasn’t bothered. They stick to me claiming he was small. On my birthdays they’d literally pour water on me while still in bed and made fun as I struggled to take out the beddings! I was a poor eater but never went hungry because they used to serve me and watch me eat as one of them carried a slipper to hit me whenever I refused to eat.
Now that am a little older I realize that they mean the world to me. And despite everything I still love these idiots. Because for every bad deed there were two good ones. I love that sometimes they had to take the blame for my mistakes because they never wanted to see me being punished. Or cover for me to my parents like lying about my whereabouts.
Today am glad because these annoying people whom I can’t get rid of are my best friends. They do utensils for me, they buy me gifts during my birthdays, they check up on me to make sure am okay and they love me unconditionally. I can’t thank God enough for them.
I don’t know what it feels to be the only child but I can state with absolute certainty that a battalion is much more fun. Mum used to say she’ll breathe when we went away because we were too much for her. But when we did she became sad and said the house was too quiet and always looked forward to our return. So dear future husband, I hope ten is not a bad number!
Aka Fay/Nicole etc. People in my family are blessed with names but do not… I repeat do not call her that. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
Sisters are a different story. Our relationship may go up and down as often as the weather outside but she’s still my sister. Meet my dearest elder sis who’s actually ten years my senior but looks like my age mate. She’s the one who caned me most because according to her our folks words ‘you’re in charge’ meant be their mum and beat them whenever necessary.
She set the bar so high for me and everything I did had to be same level as hers or better. It used to bore me up but I came to learn it was for my good and not just a competition. My sister has impacted who I am by teaching me the value of pride and hardworking and like any other older sister she’s been my role model.
Aka Tony/ Winston. Tell you my siblings have the most unique nicknames! And you do not want to know the origin of his.
One time we were home and I really needed bundles and he was broke. So he told me he might be able to help but I won’t like it. I said I’d do anything for bundles. So he told me take (what a polite way of saying steal!) from grandma’s phone. Which I did…all of it. Later, when grandma wanted to make a call it wasn’t going through and she was sure she had airtime. We had to convince her it was Safaricom guys who swallowed her credit. Up to date she still blames saf. If only she knew!
He also taught me how to shape ugali like a cake and I hate that sometimes I had to put up with his boring reggae tunes coz what the eldest said is what mattered the most. I miss that. It’s weird talking about it in past tense so lemme leave it here.
Aka Brian/ Gwas.
Knock knock knock
Brian’s friend: Gwas yuko? (Is Gwas around?)
Mum: Gwas ni nani? (Who’s Gwas)
Gwas: Mimi (Me)
Mum: (Surprised) Unaitwa Gwas? Gwas ni nini? (You’re called Gwas? What’s Gwas?)
Let’s just say that’s how that crazy name came in to being. And just to give you a heads up, do not associate with this one! He will infect you his madness.
What most people don’t know is that he’s actually my senior too. Life has hit him too many times forcing him to lag behind education wise but he’s still my elder. Back in the days i used to cry when confronted. One time he told me to pretend as if its a storytelling session and I’ll never feel bad and cry. I never cried since. He’s taught to be strong no matter what life throws at me.
Aka Junior/ Dave/ Trevor. I still haven’t forgiven him for stealing my last born title! But he’s a sweet kid and am glad he came along.
Younger siblings usually get a kick out of annoying you but he is different. He’s the softest and perhaps everyone’s soft spot. When he was little we all loved to play with him and bite his chubby cheeks. If you see him today you’ll think he’s the first born because he’s the tallest. Haha you should see him standing next to Fay…
I don’t know what else to say…he’s too good!
Side note: If you don’t hear from me 10 minutes after I share this, something bad will be happening to me for spilling their nicknames. Send some help and an ambulance.